I don't want to dwell on our accident because as scary as it was it ultimately turned out alright. It was a minor trauma that could have been a major tragedy...but wasn't. So while I want to grant it its proper weight, I want to strive to keep it in perspective and avoid indulging in sensationalizing the experience. That said I've had some stuff running through my mind that I wanted to write down and then that's it, it's on to other things (except when I have to deal with insurance et al).
As a father one of my main duties is to protect my family. As a parent we strive to provide everything our kids need to be safe, healthy and generally provided for. So much of my life revolves around what is best for them. It strikes me that as vigilant and conscientious as we try to be, we are often on the edge of chaos and might not even know it. I read a lot of westerns and one of the primary themes in westerns is the thin line that exists between civilization and basically just surviving. We build up this illusion of control by making plans, working hard and preparing for anything...and in a moment it can all slip out from underneath us and make naught of all we've built. We control so little. Even something as foundational as our livelihoods are often contingent on the whims of the marketplace, the economy and a number of other variables beyond our realm of influence. So what do I do with that?
Well for starters I beleive in a God that is in control, not even a sparrow falls to the ground outside of his care. Even if we should fall, it's not the end of the world. Even through or maybe especially through difficulties I believe God is working things together for the good of those who are called according to his will and his plan - even if what is happening is not good. Put aside whether you believe God directly causes or simply allows some things or everything to happen and the theological implications of each (that is a big discussion for another day), because beauty can rise from the ashes of tragedy and there are many examples. We may not alwasy be privy to the outcome...but I must believe. As the apostle Paul wrote in Philippians to "live is Christ and to die
is gain," he had a hard time deciding which he felt was better.I don't have too difficult a time accepting that on a personal level.
If this is true for me, then it is true for my wife and children. While I do have a responsibility to them and for them, they are not mine. So often I view my kids as extension of myself, forgetting that they are their own unique people with their own purposes and callings. It's difficult for me to comprehend but God loves them more perfectly than I ever could and has created them for his own good pleasure and for his purpose - not mine. I've been blessed with them for a time and as long as I live I will strive to be the best father for them, to protect and provide for them as vigilantly and diligently as ever. That which I can control and plan for I will, that which I cannot I will trust that in my weakness and inability God will be glorified and his strength and faithfulness be known, and pray knowing that my family will remain in his will.
I found that it is not easy trusting someone else with those who are most precious to me...but isn't that what God has done and I'm simply recipricating?